Like No One Else.

I just made a post yesterday so I think its too early to make another one, but times like this don't happen everyday, and I sure as hell don't feel this kind of happiness and excitement all the time. To be honest, I can't even breathe properly right now. My heart is racing and this unexceptionable feeling is eating me alive. Oh God. I'm making this post and I don't even know what I should write. I hope you get the idea of what I'm feeling right now. I want to share this with everyone and at the same time I don't want anyone of my friend to know about this. I'm just ranting here because as far as I know, not one of my close friends know that this site of mine exists. Hahaha. I mean, I can't blog about this in tumblr. Everyone else has one. So I'm sorry if I'm confusing you or if I'm making you think that I'm losing my mind but I just... Asdfghjkl. :) :( :) :(

I saw him again today. (Okay, so you probably know that this was the reason why I'm hyperventilating and all, right?) I think I looked at him for a split-second. I tried not to stare at him because he might see me looking at him..and that's going to be very awkward. So yeah. That's pretty much it. Asdfghjkl.

This might not happen again. And after some time I'm going to feel alone again. I'm going to miss you again. And I'm going to force myself to move again. But what the hell. All I know is that tonight, I'm going to sleep with a big smile on my face, regardless if you're not happy to see me (or you didn't see me at all). 

Jump Start My Kaleidoscope Heart.

Its been a month since I've last been here. College had me preoccupied these past few weeks. Little by little I'm adapting to the new environment; the noisy and busy streets of Manila, my new (and not to mention, very big) school, and lots and lots of people and places I don't know. It's hard, but I don't regret making this decision. So far my stay in St. Scho has been fine, though I feel uneasy at times when I don't know where to go and where my next class is, but I'm sure I'll be able to find my way eventually. 

Of course going to a new school means meeting new people and having new friends. To be honest, I had doubts before if I'll be able to fit in with my block mates, but was lucky enough to be in a section with amazing people. Were not all the same but we all get along well (I think). Smart girls, unique (not weird) girls, simple girls, "kikay" girls, funny girls...and mean girls? Hmm. And yeah, we're all girls. Haha. I guess were a little bit of everything rolled into one. 

Except for things that deal with academics, I don't have a lot of stories right now. I've been thinking too much lately but I don't want to talk about it. I'm all mixed and messed up. But maybe you'd be able have an idea if you listen to my current LSS. I don't know how I feel. Weird.

I tweaked my layout again. Something cute and..pink. Haha. I've been dreading the weather this week. The rain doesn't stop and it makes it harder to commute you know. Last Thursday, the heavy rains brought by Falcon flooded Manila and had me stuck at Quirino Ave. for two hours. It took me four hours to get home and I was dead tired. I was lucky enough to be home before 9 PM. Some of my friends from UST got home at around 2 AM. Anyway, I hope you guys are safe. :) I guess this is all for now. I'll be back when I have the time. :)

Somewhere Only We Know.

It’s been raining hard lately. I think, by this time, those people who are out to hit the beach for the last time this summer are dreading the incoming typhoon that just ruined their vacation. But that’s not how I feel. I just love this kind of weather. The cool breeze is so relaxing and I say it’s the perfect whether to set the mood for some thinking.

There’s so many things running on my head right now. I just got out of the hospital two days ago and I have not fully recovered yet. Last Friday, I had a very bad case of LBM and vomiting. I was dehydrated and lost consciousness when I was just about to go out  for a checkup. I was admitted in the hospital for two days and the doctors told me that I have Amoebiasis. It was not too serious so there’s nothing to worry about. Thank God.

In three weeks, classes are about to start and that gives me another challenge because I’m going to study in a school that is approximately an hour and a half bus ride from home, which is very different from the five-minute school service ride that I have been used to for the past thirteen years. If you’re wondering why I chose to study in Manila, it’s because I think I’ll be able to get good quality education there. I know that there are good colleges here in Cavite, but I don’t think it will be the same. Don’t call me maarte just yet (just like some people who think I chose to study in Manila because I want to be “sosyal” and to be a so-called “lakwastera”). If you were in my shoes, regardless of the long trip and more expensive tuition fee, wouldn’t you choose to study in a good and well established college too? I was given the chance to choose the course I want to take up and choose the school that I want to study in. I’m very lucky to have been given that chance, that’s why I chose to study where I think I’ll be better off.

How I’m going to school isn’t the only thing that bothers me. I’m going to be in College, and that means the next four years will be very hard (like what my older friends say). I will face terror professors and home works and projects that will literally consume your time, even your sleeping time. The next four years will be the foundation of my career. So I better give it my all. To be honest, I know a little about college. Apart from having to bring fewer things, making your own schedule, and enjoying more freedom, I don’t know what to expect. I feel so dumb. Like I’m going to marry someone I haven’t even met. I’m scared, actually. Maybe I should talk to a Scholastican. Just to have an idea of what I should expect, right?

As I was saying a while ago, there are a lot of things on my mind. Not just about school. After graduation, I started to feel like I was parting ways with my closest friends. I was expecting that, after all, were all going to study in another school and make new friends there, but what I didn’t expect was that it would come this soon and feel this way. It’s been just a month since we last saw each other but it kinda feels like we haven’t talked for years. Like I don’t know them anymore. It’s not just because they do not have credits on their phones or they’re busy, it’s more like they have changed. I had a chance to talk to a friend and this is what she said:

So I wasn’t the only person feeling alone. Feeling the distance. Feeling forgotten. It hurts, really. We have all been together for four years, through good times and bad times, passing and failing tests, falling in love and falling out of love, all those stuff in high school. Is it really that easy to forget? One more thing that hurts me is that some of them have managed to turn the circle of friends into a smaller group. Nakakatampo. It’s like they took the opportunity brought by the distance in order to eliminate you from the group. But that’s what makes them happy, so I’ll just keep calm and carry on. I’m going to meet a lot of new people in college so I’m not going to get my hopes up.

Moving on, I have changed my blog’s layout. I wanted it to be original and well, this is the best that I can do. My love for Dianna Agron has inspired me to make this work. The line in the header is from the song “I Feel Pretty/Unpretty” from Glee. Sung by Dianna, of course. I can really relate to the message of the song - I think all girls can relate to the song. Anyway, I hope you guys like it or think it looks fine. I know it’s kinda simple, but that’s just how I want things to be.

And uhm, in relation to my last post "Thirteen Seconds", all I can say is that yes, I have been thinking a lot about him lately and I miss him. I always have.

Tagged.

I was tagged by April, Rachelle, Nikole and Sayraah. :)

RULES:

1. Each tagged person must post ten things about themselves.

2. You have to choose and tag ten people.

3. Go to their blogs and tell them you tagged them.

4. No tag backs.

5. Have fun.

Since the last rule says "have fun", I should be in a good mood right? Despite all the things that are running inside my mind. Anyway, here we go.

1. My parents named me Agatha Patricia. I prefer to be called Tricia, but if were really close, you can all me "Tashing" or "Chuchay", or you can invent another nickname for me. I'm not very fond of being called Agatha but my former English teachers pronounce it in a very classy way that's just so pleasing to the ears that it makes me feel like a socialite whenever I hear it. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

2. I am a CATHOLIC SCHOOL SURVIVOR. I studied preschool and elementary at Our Lady of the Pillar Catholic School, spent my high school years at Jesus Good Shepherd School, and will be entering college next month at St. Scholastica's College, Manila. Believe it or not, I feel safe inside a Catholic school. I'm not a super holy type of person, like those who are aspiring to be nuns and priests, pero iba talaga yung feeling. Plus the Pastorelle sisters (the congregation that runs JGSS) are so fun to be with and they're good counselors too.

3. There are currently 162 photos stored in my iTouch and 110 of them are photos of a guy I fell in love with when I was in fifth grade. His name is Sam Concepcion. I don't care about what other people say, all I know is that he's cool in his own way and I want him to be mine forever.

4. My ultimate fear would be death and anything related to it. Like dead bodies, horror movies and ghosts. I'm afraid to die and I don't know why. Dying is inevitable, I know that. Eh basta natatakot ako. I just try not to think about it too much. Whenever my mom goes to a wake, she rarely asks me to come with her. And if she does, I don't look inside the casket. There were times that I did, and I swear to God that I did not sleep during those nights. As far as I could remember I have watched (and finished) three horror films. Ouija, Cinco (because Sam was there), and Coming Soon (I watched this at my friend's house, and I was with a lot of friends of course). I can still remember what happened in those movies and it still freaks me out.

5. I daydream a lot.

6. I don't like Charice. I know she's the pride of our country and she has achieved so much at such a young age, but seeing her on TV annoys me a lot. And its not because I love Sam, okay? I just hate her. But I like her songs.

7. I adore Dianna Agron. She's beautiful, intelligent and talented. She's all I ever want to be.

8. I have never experienced attending a prom. Ayaw daw ng school namin. </3

9. I want to travel the world. I don't know how (because I'm not rich) but I will.

10. I easily get jealous. Kahit na wala pa kong karapatan. </3

I'm going to tag: Faye, Ella, Marianne, Jeanne, Danella, and Pauline. (I know I'm supposed to tag 10 but I'm running out of people to tag. Lol.)

Thirteen Seconds.

I don't want to talk about guys, and I sure don't want to talk about him. I told myself that my new blog wouldn't contain anything about or related to him. But I just can't help it. Not right now.

I've had a fair share of heartaches for the past three years all because of one guy. When I try to recall those moments from the past, all I can say is that I was so stupid back then. It all happened too fast. He would be with me, then leave, then come back when he gets rejected by another girl he had been eying on... Or when he realizes that leaving me "made him feel incomplete". That did happen for a quite a few times, I didn't know why I had my arms wide open every time he wants to come back. Well maybe that's what happens when you're around twelve or thirteen, and you "fall in love" with a guy for the first time. That's not too unusual, right? I don't know, but that's what I'm going to call it.

There won't be any look backs now. I'm not going to elaborate what else happened because I don't want to talk about it anymore. I've been trying to move on for quite some time (or quite a long time). No more calling him when were both free. No more late night texting. No "hi"s or "hello"s, even on Facebook. All that's left is that I still stare at his profile every once in a while... Okay. Fine. Quite often. And I do it like a complete stalker, meaning I make sure that I know everyone who comments on every single thing in his profile. You may think that I'm a complete stalker and and obsessed freak, but I'm not. To be honest, I am so ashamed that I still do that. I don't even tell my closest friends about it because I already know what they'll say. Its the only way that I could see him. Its the only way that I could feel like I'm still a part of his life. Call me obsessed, but I have never had these type of feeling for anyone else but him.

So we've stopped communicating with each other. I rarely see him, and when I do, it would be in an unexpected time and place. Just like when I saw him last year during Palm Sunday. I sang with my co-choir members, I suddenly looked at my right side and I saw him standing still, and he was staring at me. I didn't say anything. He didn't even smiled. was just staring. At that moment, I felt my heart skipped a beat. I was smiling all day and I don't even know if it was for the right reasons. The same thing happened just last month. Good Friday to be specific (Okay, so we get to "unexpectedly" see each other during Holy Week, how lucky). When my family and I were watching the traditional Good Friday procession, my mom suddenly blurted out "Ayun si _____ oh!". I quickly faced the direction she was pointing to and saw him standing there and staring at me. Like what happened last year. It was awkward that he was just standing still when he should have been walking since he was a part of the procession after all, but he stood there while he stared at me. Of course I was twitter-pated and my thoughts were all "Oh God he's staring at me", but I don't really know what he was thinking. Was he happy to see me, or was he surprised that I'm still alive.

Okay so I said a while ago (before I started ranting about him) that my blog would be about boys. But the reason why I made this post is because these past few weeks, he's been appearing in my dreams. Like, always. I know that dreams have meanings, and it leaves me wondering about what my dreams mean when  he's always there. It just gives me weird ideas that maybe were destined to be with each other or that maybe we'll see each other again soon. I just want to know because it doesn't help with the "moving on" plan that I have.

I hate this kind of feeling. Just let me forget about him already.

Just so you know, this post is entitled Thirteen Seconds because in one of my dreams, this was one of the messages that he sent me and it came with a sad faced emoticon. I don't remember why.

All Over Again.

After almost a year, I'm back yet again; but this time, I made a new blog. 

I've been neglecting my blogger account since I started blogging on Tumblr. There, I post pictures, songs, quotes, and some of my stories almost everyday. At present I have more than a thousand posts, but I don't understand why I don't feel free to really express myself there. I went back to blogger because there's so much more that I want to say and I feel like this is the right place to post it. Instead of updating my old blog, I've decided to make a new one because I want a fresh start. So much has changed in the past 3 years that I've been using "The Juliet Article". Behind all my old posts were memories of not so good times and I was so immature back then. I just graduated from high school and there's a whole lot more in store for me now so, I guess its time for a new name and new stories.